All Ebb and No Flow

There's a lot of funny jokes people tell you when you have a new baby or are about to have a new baby. Oh, well, I guess its advice, but it always sounds like jokes to me- just funny little blurbs that have been passed on and on about how to handle the impending trauma called parenthood.

Newborns are a lot of work, and if you didn't know that, I'm honestly not sure where you're coming from. Maybe you're a person who's an only child and only been around babies or children once or twice in your life when you've gone to buy something at a store near a playground where you watch the peaceful newborns being strolled and swung. I envy your perception, if that's the case. Anyway, everyone (else) knows newborns come with a lot of grief but the payoff is that they're cute as hell (after the initial swollen, weird alien phase), they're growing and learning from you, and whether they're your own, a friend's, a relative, a little part of you is shaping a little part of them. That's beautiful. That's the awesome cycle of life.

There's this good piece of advice people give you when you're first starting out, though. You're new to parenting, you've just given birth (or gone through some crazy adoption process), you've added a new life (and all the needs that go with it) to your own life (and needs). You're really just exhausted. So people tell you, "It's really important that you sleep when the baby sleeps."

Sleep when the baby sleeps? I understand this because trust me, from experience, the amount of sleep you get can GREATLY affect the kind of person you're going to be that day. So in order to take care of yourself and give a full strength go at good parenting, you should be well-rested. But I kept thinking when I had Ellbot, when the hell do I get all the other stuff done.

I'm not talking about housework, cooking, studying, philanthropical outreach, or anything like that. I'm talking about a shower, eating, and clearing a path to the couch. Now she's 7-months-old and I'm back full-force in school. I'm constantly thinking when is there going to be balance. She naps less now, and it seems like there's more to do (especially now that the post-partum pity is gone.)

So right now, I don't sleep. "Sleep when the baby sleeps," doesn't cut it. She naps less, and what little time that's worth I use to jump in the shower when I forgot to that morning or eat the forgotten breakfast-lunch (not brunch.) So the only time I can get any schoolwork/housework done is after 9:30p. Then, it's up in the morning at 6a. I'm exhausted.

So as I tell her daily, thank god Ellbow is beautiful and awesome. Otherwise, I think I'd crack.